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How to deal with an unsupportive husband during pregnancy
Is your husband not emotionally supportive during pregnancy?
All of a sudden you are pregnant and your partner is the one with the mood swings?
am I right?
Maybe your husband doesn’t understand how hard pregnancy is…
Sometimes during pregnancy, your husband is insensitive.
I am here to help you through it, mama…
This post is all about how to deal with an inconsiderate partner during pregnancy, depending on which way the situation will go, I will recommend one thing up front.
Get your man mentally prepared for what he should be expecting…
Top 3 books for dad-to-be that will help him become more considerate and understanding
How to deal with an inconsiderate partner during pregnancy?
- Give yourself the attention you were giving your partner
- Communicate your concerns in a positive manner
- Understand the reasons why you may argue during pregnancy
- Sort out your relationship troubles with each other
- Stay calm and lead by example
Dealing with an inconsiderate partner who is supposed to be supportive during pregnancy, can be overwhelming. What to do when your husband is being mean…
Readers also love: 6 super important things I wish I did in the beginning of my pregnancy
Maybe you feel resentment or you are feeling lost and confused.
Just know that you are beautiful mama, you can handle anything.
I know you are having trouble with your husband or partner right now & having them understand what your going through being pregnant.
P.S: If you are not ready for that just yet, Hilary (the creator) has a free beginning online prenatal course as well. 🙂
Let’s dive into the bullet points I listed above a little deeper to give you a better understanding of how to handle the situation.
Reasons why you may argue with your partner during pregnancy
Pregnancy for anyone involved in an overwhelming thing to go through. There are so many things to prepare and figure out before the baby arrives.
Sometimes in those moments of planning, you may disagree with things, which is normal! Everyone has their own way of doing things, and that’s totally fine.
Some common fights expectant couples have:
You may be nodding your head at some of these, its true mama, you are not the only one. These are some topics expectant couples typically fight about…
- Picking the baby’s name
- Your partner is being selfish
- Your emotions take control
Picking the baby’s name
Sometimes it is so difficult to even come up with a baby name for your new addition. To make things even worse you and your partner will not agree on a name, this can be very frustrating and cause fights.
You should be looking like a hot snack right now. (pregnancy hormones) Therefore your hubby wants some action. But you may not be so keen on doing anything but eating and sleeping. Which can (sexually) frustrate your partner and give them the “I need to get laid” attitude we all know so well.
Your partner is being selfish
Maybe you just got home from a hard day of work, and you see your partner sitting on the couch enjoying a nice cold beer. How rude! Nice to rub it in why don’t you right? ugh. This can be frustrating and cause you to feel unsupported in that area. Of course, this is just one example.
Yes, I went there. Listen, it is not easy dealing with your own parents sometimes let alone someone else’s. There will be disagreements on both ends and you guys need to talk about it with each other and be on the same page about how things will be handled. This involves compromising.
If things are already tight, the thought of you being on maternity leave may cause anxiety for your partner. Although some states give you government assistance, others don’t. Either way, having a solid savings account and a money management plan during maternity leave could alleviate the pressure on your partner.
Your emotions are taking over
Sometimes, mama, you gotta take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and wonder, is it me? Going through all these changes can really make you lash out, cry and blame other people for your feelings. Consider taking a deep breath and evaluating your behaviors as well.
So now that we understand the reasons you may be arguing with your partner you can find time to evaluate each idea of concern, work through it and come up with a solution together.
Give yourself the attention you were giving your partner
Instead of pouring all of your attention on getting your partner to act right, focus more on yourself.
Sometimes when you back off a little bit it will do both of you some good. I am an expert at this myself.
When my partner throws a man tantrum, I literally, for the most part, ignore it. It gives him time to think about how he is acting and revaluate himself without throwing more wood on the fire.
Take care of yourself
Here are some ways you can shift your focus from your partner’s inconsiderate behavior to your own needs and wellbeing.
- Read a book – this book I found for you on Amazon is perfect to start with.
- Talk to close friends and family, not necessarily about the situation, just about how your feeling in your pregnancy, so you can feel supported.
- Take naps when you can, if you have other children I know how hard this can be. Sneak them in every now and then to really take care of yourself.
- Have a spa day if your finances allow it. This will help you decompress and charge your battery, ultimately putting you in a better mood.
This brings me to the next tip for handling your inconsiderate partner during pregnancy…
Lead by example
It is funny how you can feel what others feel just by the vibes they put off into the atmosphere, its a real thing.
Consider going with the flow, letting things roll off your chest. After taking the time to take care of yourself you will find this easier to do. If you are reacting to his actions in a negative way, he will, in turn, be negative back. Its basic psychology mama.
I know in some extreme cases there is no tolerance for some behavior. In this case, I would strongly consider taking a break, maybe a day or so from each other. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Behavior that is not tolerable would be things like:
- Physical abuse where your partner is actually hurting you physically. This is never tolerable. Especially when there is a baby inside of you.
- Verbal abuse where your partner is continuously talking down to you. This will damage your self-esteem, and put you in a really dark place. Believe it or not, your baby will feel these feelings as well, which could never be good in the long term for their mental health.
Otherwise, stay calm, express happiness. When he notices how well your acting he may just turn it around.
Usually, this happens when you shift your attention to yourself as I mentioned earlier.
Here, these are some ideas on what I mean when I say lead by example:
- When he is particularly moody, do not match him on his moodiness, stay calm and collective. Basically, pretend like he didn’t just talk to you like that. (in this case, it wouldn’t be what he says, its HOW he says it)
- Do little things for him like make breakfast. When you are mad you can be thinking he does not deserve this, but showing up for your partner and doing the little things (on days you are well enough) really add up to the big things in life. It could be a matter of having a bad day vs having a good day with them.
So that is my take on leading by example. I strongly feel that you are the vibes you put out into this world. People really tend to feed off each others energy, use this to your advantage mama.
Communicate with your partner
Are you having trouble communicating with your partner?
This is so common in relationships even before pregnancy. My advice to you would be to sit down and have a talk with your partner.
I know sometimes this is easier said than done, I cannot tell you how many times my friends have given me this advice only for me to tell them “yeah, it is like talking to a wall”.
To get deeper into communication consider writing your partner a letter expressing your feelings and concerns for the future. Tell them how you have all these plans in your head and you are not feeling supported.
Whatever the problem is, express it on paper and give it to them in the form of a handwritten letter.
Things like this are more personal and can activate a feeling of importance. Maybe your partner will write you back, that’s always cute.
In the letter, you can ask for a date night to speak face to face about this further.
If you feel like you can just sit down and talk to your partner about your feelings randomly one day after work, then go for it.
My guess is that if you are in this space of feeling like your partner is being inconsiderate to your pregnancy, you guys are probably having a hard time communicating your needs to each other.
Mama, please, communication is everything. Think outside the box with this one. If you want to be happy in your relationship make it happen, whatever it takes.
Some forms of communication you can take to the next level:
- Writing a handwritten letter as I mentioned above, probably the best choice.
- Sending flowers to his job with a date night invite to talk about current events in your relationship. (hey guys can get flowers too)
- Email him or text him, although this seems a little non-personal for my liking, I am sure it is something that can be done to get your point across. But will he actually respond is the question?
- Just express your feelings face to face on a random Tuesday night after work. Sit down next to him and speak calmly and clearly, no yelling. See how he responds.
Bringing me to my next tip of advice…
Approach the situation in a positive manner
When your partner is being inconsiderate during pregnancy it’s important to approach the situation in a positive manner. Yelling will only put more wood on the fire.
Stay calm in the approach that you take while you are communicating your needs. If you guys have been matching each others level of frustration things will certainly not get better.
Point out all the positives this pregnancy will have on your relationship.
Bringing a child into this world is a wonderful thing, and should be treated as such. Remind your partner how exciting this is for the whole family and all the positive changes that are going to happen moving forward.
Take ownership of some of your behaviors and say sorry.
Helping your partner feel loved and appreciated even in your hormonal stage can really turn things around with their attitude.
Try really hard not to point the finger as you’re communicating your needs to your partner. If you feel they are being inconsiderate try using other words.
Express how their behavior is making you feel rather than pointing the finger and blaming their actions that are causing your feelings.
Taking a positive approach can look something like:
- “Honey, I feel as though I am not getting my needs met in this area.”
- “I am having trouble feeling heard in our relationship and I was wondering if you can clarify some things for me.”
- “How do you feel about this situation.” (whatever the situation may be)
Smile more, talk it out, stay positive.
Know when to get therapy
In some cases, actually, in most cases, you may consider couples therapy.
If you have gone through trying to communicate with your partner and you have taken all of the advice from this post, and nothing is changing, you may be in the market for a couples therapist.
Don’t worry there’s no shame in that.
I personally feel like everybody should have a therapist. So if this is the case there are great therapists out there who have the expertise to help you and your situation.
You can turn to your local church where most of the time they provide free counseling for couples.
Call your insurance provider to find therapists who accept your insurance. these days you can even go online and video chat with a therapist together and never even leave your home.
If you break up
In some cases, believe it or not, you may experience a break up during pregnancy.
Although this is something we want to avoid sometimes it’s just inevitable.
Here is a great article I wrote to help you with your pregnancy journey if you find yourself single:
Pin for later:
If your relationship seems a little rocky right now there are a lot of factors to consider.
Hormones are raging inside of your body and your partner might be nervous about it.
I know you feel like this time of your pregnancy it should be all about you but remember being in a relationship is being part of a team.
That means both of you need to work at it to make it work for your baby.
Try these tips above to help you handle your inconsiderate partner during pregnancy.
If you enjoyed this article please share it with a mom friend who may be going through the same thing 🙂
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